Hey, look at that! It’s another BDSM blog! Just what the world needs… right?
Well… maybe it’s not what the world needs, but it might be useful to somebody.
In fact, dear readers, I am setting out to create the blog I wish I’d read when I was a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, wet-behind-the-ears newbie sub.
So who the heck am I? I’m a 27 year old submissive, feminine trans boy (FtM) who is attracted to men. I’ve been doing BDSM stuff for nine frigging years now. That’s right, do the math– I started bright and early at 18.
I don’t regret starting so young. I knew what I wanted, and I began to do it as soon as I was legally able, with the conscious intention of packing my life as full of sweet kinky memories as I possibly could. Mission accomplished. By 19 I’d already tasted many things which most people will never know, and which others only dare to try after weathering miserable vanilla marriages, divorces and mid-life crises. I wasn’t cocky about that fact. I was properly grateful.
I do regret jumping in the deep end so damn fast. I wish I’d done some more reading, attended more classes, and made some platonic kinky friends before getting into power exchange with someone. Instead, I let myself get snapped up immediately by a predatory Dom, like the sweet lil’ new and shiny subbie morsel that I was.
I wish I’d known some more things about consent, and about my rights, and how to stay safer.
I also wish I’d known earlier that “submit” is a verb. It’s not all just lying back and having things done to you (although that can be part of it). And that’s what I really want to talk about here.
Ultimately, this blog is about the fun stuff. There will be content on safety and consent and dodging predators, because that is important. But it’s also part of the bare minimum basics. This blog is about going beyond the minimum. Way beyond. It’s about my mission to get the very most out of my own submission, and to give as much as I possibly can to my dominant partners.
To me, submission is a quest for excellence. Domination is, too, but with the range of fancy skills and tricks many doms and tops are expected to acquire, that can be a bit more obvious. This blog is about the invisible tricks in a submissive’s metaphorical toybag. A lot of the things we do on this side of the whip are subtle. After all, many of us strive to serve with such grace that it seems effortless. Sometimes not even a dominant fully understands what sets a submissive apart, what makes them so especially useful, satisfying, appealing and pleasing.
But while our labor, art and artifice may not always be obvious, it is still labor. There are skills involved in submission, even in its most seemingly passive moments.
I am on a personal journey to identify and develop those skills and qualities in myself. I plan to share what I learn here.
A final disclaimer before the fun begins: I am not an expert. Actually, I don’t really believe in experts in the world of BDSM, kink and leather. There are people who are very good at what they do. Not all of them teach classes or write books. But the very best of the best are those who stay in “beginner’s mind” and remember that there is always more to learn.
With that in mind: I am still learning. I will probably post things here that I will later come to totally disagree with. And if you totally disagree with me, that’s fine, too. I welcome a civil discussion. Just don’t be a dick about it.